Saturday afternoon saw H-Girl and P-Girl accompanied by an Italian Forester and a Swedish Communications (K) expert to the banya.
The banya is a uniquely eastern european experience. After walking past the political rallies in Independence Square, the women went to a non-descript building on a side-street. After walking upstairs and being directed to the correct door, the women enter a workout room right out of a 1970s movie (i.e., old machines) except for the tanning bed. No one spoke English. Luckily K speaks functional Russian and was able to determine the entrance fee. After paying 45 hryvnahs each (approximately USD$9) the women entered a locker room.
The women did not realize they needed to bring their own towels, so they were forced to rent sheets (that were stained with God knows what). After stripping down BUTTER BALL NAKED, they speedily covered themselved with the sheets - much to the amusement of the local women. All the women except H-girl had slippers. Thus, H-Girl had to borrow a klunky pair of white clogs. All this was communicated by a slim but formidable Ukrainian woman who continually fussed at H-girl until someone translated.
From the locker room, the women stepped into a dingy, steamy shower room with multiple exits. They reluctantly removed their sheets and tried to figure out how to turn the warm water on in the showers. Luckily, the Italian had the forethought to bring soap (and a nice olive oil soap at that) that she very nicely shared with her co-conspirators. After soaping down, all five women ran back to their sheets and covered themselves again.
Its important to point out that none of the local women were half as modest as our international group. The local Ukrainian women very calmly walked around in various stages of undress. H-girl and P-girl, the only Americans in the bunch, were the most self-conscious.
After throroughly showering, the group walked past a deep alcove with a cold pool (which no one, even the locals, appeared to be utilizing) and discovered a dry sauna. The group tried to get into the dry sauna, but a group of locals were beauguarding the whole thing and shooting dirty looks whenever we tried to enter.
Thus thwarted, H-girl and company headed to the wet sauna. There were about 4 or 5 other naked women in the wet sauna, including a formidable local women in her 50s or 60s. Once this woman figured out the group was foreign, she felt that it was her responsibility to provide the
real
banya experience. The woman indicated that K stand with her back towards her, leaning against the wooden bleacher seats. She picked up a bunch of branches of dried leaves that had been soaked in cool water in each hand, swung them above her head to remove the excess water and proceeded to whack them against K's backside while chanting some rhyme. The only words the group was able to discern were "Europa, Europa, Europa." When K tried to turn around and say, "Thank you, that's enough," the women pushed back into to position and continues her beating.
Not to be outdone, H-Girl indicated with hand gestures that she would like the same treatment. The woman proceed to whack H-girl next. Meanwhile, the Italian was whacked by an Italian-speaking Ukrainian woman she had just met.
After that envigorating, the group headed to the cold room to close their pores. After exiting to the locker room, they enjoyed cups of boiling hot tea while they dressed.
When they left the building, all four marvelled at how relaxed and refreshed they felt and how soft their skin felt. All in all, well worth it!
More to come, stay tuned...
